I Love My Children, but if I Could Go Back in Time, I Would Never Have Chosen to be a Parent: Regretful Parents and Their Concept of Self

Abstract

Parental regret is a largely unexamined topic. As a result, little is known about the prevalence of parental regret, what factors might be related to experiencing such regret, and the implications for well-being. What research exists has almost exclusively used a single dichotomous item, removing the ability to capture nuance in the study of regretful parents. The current package of studies aimed to explore these issues by (1) understanding the experiences of regretful parents, (2) looking at factors that could help us understand if someone is likely to regret becoming a parent, (3) examining the specific things parents regret, (4) exploring the mental health of regretful parents, (5) developing a Parental Regret Scale, and (6) determining the prevalence of regret in Canada. To do this we conducted 3 studies. In Study 1 we performed a thematic analysis on data collected from regretful parents (N = 38) to better understand their experiences, with 5 themes identified: (1) Anxiety & Fear; (2) Difficulties of Motherhood; (3) Difficulties of Parenthood; (4) Lack of Support; and (5) Loss of self. In Study 2 (N = 59) we looked at the relationship between antecedents, current regrets, and the mental health of a sample of regretful parents. This study was also used to begin developing the Parental Regret Scale. This study demonstrated the importance of losing one’s familiar self-concept in driving parents’ feelings of regret, in addition to the relationship between regret and poor mental health. Finally, in Study 3 (N = 462), we aimed to validate the Parental Regret Scale, look more closely at the unique impact regret plays on mental health over and above previous experiences, and determine the prevalence of this regret in Canada. Based on this study, the prevalence of regret in Canada is estimated to be around 10%, with little difference between mothers and fathers. Further, regret seems to play a unique role in predicting depression and anxiety. Overall, the results of this work provide a clear path forward for research on regretful parents by establishing baseline relationships and a validated scale allowing for nuanced examination of the phenomenon.